Oui oui! Our album is complete... at least until we move. Sigh. The next few months of our lives will prove to be, it is my prediction, quite difficult. I have resigned from my position as Director of Day Support, am still working to complete my work to become a Board Certified Positive Behavior Support Facilitator, minutes ago we signed an acceptance on an offer made to purchase our house, and there is the potential of a child joining us in the next 2 years.
Then again, my not having a job come May 9th may lead to the banks not helping us with a home loan, which may lead to us living in smaller more temporary housing, which in turn could delay the adoption placement. My resignation timing may have been poor, but it was necessary. I know that things work out, "It's all going to be all right". I believe that. Hard times usually pass and coming through them means the start of a better day!
ANYWAY, our album is now complete and you may view it (hopefully by clicking on this web link or copying and pasting it to your browser. Be sure to click on "Full screen view" or else the images will be distorted and you may not be able to read the small print)
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AcNWLZi2auGLC_g&cid=SFLYOCWIDGET
Of course when if/when I find a new job, and if/when we move into a new home, we will have to update our book and reprint for mothers to see a more accurate picture of our lives.
And just when I thought, "That's it! Now all we do is wait!" we got a letter in the mail; TODAY! It stated that we may be excused from having to complete all the new requirements for our home before the homestudy is considered "complete". I believe we will be grandfathered in. Otherwise, it would mean we have to be ready for a placement at any given moment, (ex. have beds or crib/pack-n-play/etc. in place for each potential child, have extra fire extinguishers in certain locations, have all meds locked up, emergency evacuation plan and supplies in place,etc).
So stay tuned! We'll be making ch-ch-ch-changes in many big aspects of our lives and will have plenty to report soon.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Home Study- Complete!
Home Study- COMPLETED!
Technically, as of February 10th at around 5pm, our Home Study was completed, ending with our home visit! The home study will officially be complete sometime this week (likely on Valentine’s Day) when it is approved and submitted before the deadline (Valentine’s Day). Phew… just under the wire. We are now at the bottom of the list (12th) for potential adoptive parents being represented through CCC in the Roanoke area.
Our home visit consisted of giving our social worker a tour of our house and property. While we don’t necessarily have everything set up to bring a child into our home next week, we were advised to set up the house as though we were meeting Foster Parent requirements. The regulations are quite strict and we may have gotten in just in time as the requirements are expected to become even more intensive this May! We need to have certain things locked up (cleaners, medicines, etc.) and meet safety regs within the home. Technically, we will be Foster Parents for a period of time until all parental rights are relinquished to us, even if the mother chooses us to be adoptive parents. As it was explained to us, that could be within 10 days of the birth of the child or it could be several months, if the paternal rights have not legally been terminated (due to delay in notifying him or exhausting all means of finding him without success). Either way, once a child is placed with us we are told to mentally and emotionally prepare ourselves for the possibility of the child returning to his or her parents until final placement is given.
Because we opted for an “at-risk placement” (having temporary custody of a child before both parents have terminated their rights) we are also accepting that the child could be placed with us immediately upon leaving the hospital. We really wanted that in order to begin the bonding right away and to potentially begin breast feeding. Our social worker told us that more and more mothers are wanting their child to go home with the adoptive family right away, even sometimes allowing them to stay in the hospital until the baby is released, so they can visit with, feed, even sleep in the same room as the baby. That would be ideal. That is what we hope to happen.
All that is left for us to do before our names go on the prospective parents list for mothers to review, is to finish our profile book which is essentially a photo album and at a glance summary of our lives. Once we do that, we have only to wait for calls from our social worker.
So that everyone who reads this is aware, the waiting period will be a time we keep fairly private. Similar, I suppose, to the choice a couple makes to not share that they are expecting until the 3rd month of pregnancy, we too, will not be announcing every call from our social worker that indicates a mother would like to review our profile. As our social worker warned us, there may be several or many calls in the next few years but we must keep in mind that just because a mother reviews our profile, or even narrows us down to a couple families, or even decides to choose us for placement, things can change. Telling everyone, every time there is a potential child to place with us, would likely be too difficult for us to have to explain every time plans change. We will rely on our closest supports for prayers and comfort through those difficult times. It is our choice to reserve the right to keep our hopes to ourselves and appreciate everyone’s understandings if/when we choose not to talk about each potential placement. When there is good news, that we are confident about, we will share it in due time and welcome prayers and celebration then. We may answer simply with “We’re still waiting,” which will not be untrue. Please do not take offense but know that is just a way for us to deal with the roller coaster in our own way, without bringing everyone else along for the emotional ride.
So our last project before we start getting these inquiring calls, is to put this photo album together to show mothers who we are in about 40 or fewer photos! Whew… it’s hard to express to a stranger who may never meet you, what your beliefs, family life, interests, personalities and life goals are in as few words as possible. We have to find photos that are unique and creative and interesting because a mother’s and father’s glances may be our only chance to introduce ourselves. We don’t have any professional photos other than what were taken at our wedding, so we may look into getting some taken… something unusual and creative. There is one local photographer we are considering. But now I am just rambling.
At last, we have reached the end of the paperwork (at least until the legal matters come into play). So within a few years… could be as long as 3 years… we hope to have wonderful news to share with you all. In the meantime, we appreciate your prayers for strength as we receive calls, interviews, hopes and heartbreaks while we wait, and prayers for the mothers out there who are dealing with the very difficult and loving decision to place their child into the care of someone else.
Technically, as of February 10th at around 5pm, our Home Study was completed, ending with our home visit! The home study will officially be complete sometime this week (likely on Valentine’s Day) when it is approved and submitted before the deadline (Valentine’s Day). Phew… just under the wire. We are now at the bottom of the list (12th) for potential adoptive parents being represented through CCC in the Roanoke area.
Our home visit consisted of giving our social worker a tour of our house and property. While we don’t necessarily have everything set up to bring a child into our home next week, we were advised to set up the house as though we were meeting Foster Parent requirements. The regulations are quite strict and we may have gotten in just in time as the requirements are expected to become even more intensive this May! We need to have certain things locked up (cleaners, medicines, etc.) and meet safety regs within the home. Technically, we will be Foster Parents for a period of time until all parental rights are relinquished to us, even if the mother chooses us to be adoptive parents. As it was explained to us, that could be within 10 days of the birth of the child or it could be several months, if the paternal rights have not legally been terminated (due to delay in notifying him or exhausting all means of finding him without success). Either way, once a child is placed with us we are told to mentally and emotionally prepare ourselves for the possibility of the child returning to his or her parents until final placement is given.
Because we opted for an “at-risk placement” (having temporary custody of a child before both parents have terminated their rights) we are also accepting that the child could be placed with us immediately upon leaving the hospital. We really wanted that in order to begin the bonding right away and to potentially begin breast feeding. Our social worker told us that more and more mothers are wanting their child to go home with the adoptive family right away, even sometimes allowing them to stay in the hospital until the baby is released, so they can visit with, feed, even sleep in the same room as the baby. That would be ideal. That is what we hope to happen.
All that is left for us to do before our names go on the prospective parents list for mothers to review, is to finish our profile book which is essentially a photo album and at a glance summary of our lives. Once we do that, we have only to wait for calls from our social worker.
So that everyone who reads this is aware, the waiting period will be a time we keep fairly private. Similar, I suppose, to the choice a couple makes to not share that they are expecting until the 3rd month of pregnancy, we too, will not be announcing every call from our social worker that indicates a mother would like to review our profile. As our social worker warned us, there may be several or many calls in the next few years but we must keep in mind that just because a mother reviews our profile, or even narrows us down to a couple families, or even decides to choose us for placement, things can change. Telling everyone, every time there is a potential child to place with us, would likely be too difficult for us to have to explain every time plans change. We will rely on our closest supports for prayers and comfort through those difficult times. It is our choice to reserve the right to keep our hopes to ourselves and appreciate everyone’s understandings if/when we choose not to talk about each potential placement. When there is good news, that we are confident about, we will share it in due time and welcome prayers and celebration then. We may answer simply with “We’re still waiting,” which will not be untrue. Please do not take offense but know that is just a way for us to deal with the roller coaster in our own way, without bringing everyone else along for the emotional ride.
So our last project before we start getting these inquiring calls, is to put this photo album together to show mothers who we are in about 40 or fewer photos! Whew… it’s hard to express to a stranger who may never meet you, what your beliefs, family life, interests, personalities and life goals are in as few words as possible. We have to find photos that are unique and creative and interesting because a mother’s and father’s glances may be our only chance to introduce ourselves. We don’t have any professional photos other than what were taken at our wedding, so we may look into getting some taken… something unusual and creative. There is one local photographer we are considering. But now I am just rambling.
At last, we have reached the end of the paperwork (at least until the legal matters come into play). So within a few years… could be as long as 3 years… we hope to have wonderful news to share with you all. In the meantime, we appreciate your prayers for strength as we receive calls, interviews, hopes and heartbreaks while we wait, and prayers for the mothers out there who are dealing with the very difficult and loving decision to place their child into the care of someone else.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Adoption Etiquette
We have rung in a new year and with it may come many changes in our lives; not least of said changes would be the possibility of becoming parents. Today is January 3, 2012. 2-0-1-2. I remember when any of the ought years seemed so far away and futuristic and now we are into the second decade of the century. We are approaching the middle of our lives and will, hopefully, soon be parenting child(ren)who will look far off into his/her future and think, "Wow. The year 2025 is forever away!". Likewise, he/she may look back in the year 2025 and think back to 2012 as being soooo long ago. If we adopt an infant this year, he/she will be about age twelve in the year 2025. How's that for a reality check? And when he/she is old enough to drive it will be around the year 2030! And when he/she is old enough to rent a vehicle it will be about 2037! Uh huh... chew on that! And our child may not even be a sparkle in his/her mom's eye as of right now. But oh how I expect time to fly from this point forward... well until we meet our little bundle of sweetness time will probably feel like it's dragging it's hands(er... in this digital age time will be dragging it's satellite signal).
Okay. I digress. My title was "Adoption Etiquette". Have I already written about this before? Either I have or I've just thought about it for a long time. Did you know there are particular words to use and not use when speaking to families choosing adoption? I know I may be bringing to light some things that people have said, and the intention is not make people feel bad, but rather to give some perspective on feelings and thoughts that they may not have otherwise considered, especially not having been through the same sort of situation themselves. (Isn't that just like everything? Sometimes we mean well but because we're not in the same shoes and haven't been "educated" or had honest discussions... or blogs... about a topic we end up saying the wrong things or at least less than helpful things). Okay so here are some common things that you can take with you and consider to avoid or use in your next conversation with someone regarding adoption. Again, no offense intended. Some of these are from our class and some are from people I know who have adopted. Some are from our own experiences. All are intended to help you and others around you gain perspective. And by-the-way, I'm totally open to discussion and questions if you ever want to bounce questions off me. I'll only share what I'm comfortable with and won't be shy to say, "I'd rather not answer that," without being embarassed or offended. I promise.
Okay here goes:
1) A mother does not "give up her child for adoption". She "chooses adoption". It's a very difficult and painful decision because she cares enough to consider her child's best interests.
2)A mother is the mother is the mother. When her child is adopted by a family, the child's mother is then the woman who raises him/her. It is okay to then refer to the 1st mother as "birthmother". But remember, a family who adopts is the "real" family, the "real mother," the "real father" as much as the birth parents are "real". So please don't refer to the birthmother as the "real" mother. That may hurt the child and the rest of the family.
3) Please understand that though you've heard of a story where your friend's Aunt's 1st cousin got pregnant as soon as they decided to adopt, does not mean that everyone who decides to adopt a child will miraculously conceive a child "completely unexpectedly". Infertility is a painful thing and though there are some cases when people have been known to get pregnant after adopting, it's not something a couple necessarily wants to hear as a gesture of "hope". Adoption is exciting in itself because a couple chooses whole-heartedly to adopt. It's not a fertility treatment plan.
4) Adoption comes with a lot of grief. The mother who is deciding to choose a family to raise her child is grieving the loss of her child. A child, even a newborn, is potentially in the care of 3 different families (birth mother, foster home, adoptive parents) before he/she is even a month old. The child is grieving the loss of security in those crucial first days (or months or years) of life and has to adjust to many changes beyond what is typical. All this being said, respect a family's wishes to spend a lot of private time together at first to help the child transition to (yet another) home in his/her short life and build trust in his/her new home.
5)Please remember that a child who is adopted may have many questions left unanswered about his/her birth parents throughout life. The story about the birth parents belongs to the child and is very private as it may, in some cases, be the only connection and tie to his/her biological family history. Therefore, if a family chooses not to share about a birthmother's story, and chooses to let the child decide for him/herself whether to share that information or keep it confidential forever, is his/her right. Don't be offended if some or most information is not divulged... it's just precious and private and belongs to someone else.
6)NEVER ever speak negatively or even pitifully about a birth parent in front of their child... or even to others (words get around). Unless you are speaking about your own story, it is not polite or helpful to a child to hear harsh words about his/her parents. They are still, after all, his/her biological parents. (Ex. Don't say, "Oh he is so cute! How could anyone give him up?!" because that's very insensitive to the mother and child).
7) Be careful when using the term "adoption" for anything other than a child (especially in front of a child who was adopted). Reason; a child should never question that his/her adoption is real and permanent. Unlike adopting a pet or a highway, adopting a child is a lifelong commitment and cannot be reversed. It is an intentional choice. In class they used the example that a child may hear the term "adopted a puppy" and see that puppy be given away because it was "bad" and associate it with him/herself because he/she is "adopted". That was an eye opener for me.
8) Don't use the word "adoption" like it's a bad word and don't glorify it as a title or label either. Adoption is a part of a person's beginning but it does not define a person. Just like we don't typically introduce our children as, "... Erica, my vaginally-delivered-by-me daughter," don't introduce a person as someone's "adopted daughter". It's just not necessary or telling of anything. Families are typically comfortable with others knowing about their choice for adoption but they also don't typically think of it as being part of their family intros.
9)this goes with #4... If a mother chooses to feed her child (this doesn't just apply to adoptions) she should feed her child. Feeding is a vital bonding experience to aid in the relationship between mother and child. Even if the child is bottle fed, do NOT offer to feed the infant or bath the infant, etc. No one but mom and dad should feed an infant in the early stages of bonding. It is all the more necessary for a mother to do these things with an infant who was born to another mother because there is a missing biology to connect the two and they need all the opportunities they can get to develop that bond. So if you are helping out, change little baby, talk to little baby but when baby is hungry... wake mommy up and say, "here's little baby. Little baby's hungry" and let them bond.
10) Don't stare at interacial/blended families or families with children with disabilities. It's not polite and would it really change your life if you never found out if "that child is adopted or not" or what the family's story is? Chances are if you're asking, you might already have a good guess and unless you have a personal connection, it's fine to just smile genuinely as you would with any family and keep walking.
Gosh, I feel like I'm lecturing and i haven't even experienced most of these yet! Anyway, I'm getting tired and will be heading to bed now.
Write me if you have any questions or comments about Do's and Don'ts! I'd love to learn what you think or what should be added to the list. Of course also, it should be noted, I was not referencing our class curriculum so I left out a lot of helpful info, I'm sure. But those are what came to me on a whim.
Peace to you all, this chilly January night.
-Erica
Okay. I digress. My title was "Adoption Etiquette". Have I already written about this before? Either I have or I've just thought about it for a long time. Did you know there are particular words to use and not use when speaking to families choosing adoption? I know I may be bringing to light some things that people have said, and the intention is not make people feel bad, but rather to give some perspective on feelings and thoughts that they may not have otherwise considered, especially not having been through the same sort of situation themselves. (Isn't that just like everything? Sometimes we mean well but because we're not in the same shoes and haven't been "educated" or had honest discussions... or blogs... about a topic we end up saying the wrong things or at least less than helpful things). Okay so here are some common things that you can take with you and consider to avoid or use in your next conversation with someone regarding adoption. Again, no offense intended. Some of these are from our class and some are from people I know who have adopted. Some are from our own experiences. All are intended to help you and others around you gain perspective. And by-the-way, I'm totally open to discussion and questions if you ever want to bounce questions off me. I'll only share what I'm comfortable with and won't be shy to say, "I'd rather not answer that," without being embarassed or offended. I promise.
Okay here goes:
1) A mother does not "give up her child for adoption". She "chooses adoption". It's a very difficult and painful decision because she cares enough to consider her child's best interests.
2)A mother is the mother is the mother. When her child is adopted by a family, the child's mother is then the woman who raises him/her. It is okay to then refer to the 1st mother as "birthmother". But remember, a family who adopts is the "real" family, the "real mother," the "real father" as much as the birth parents are "real". So please don't refer to the birthmother as the "real" mother. That may hurt the child and the rest of the family.
3) Please understand that though you've heard of a story where your friend's Aunt's 1st cousin got pregnant as soon as they decided to adopt, does not mean that everyone who decides to adopt a child will miraculously conceive a child "completely unexpectedly". Infertility is a painful thing and though there are some cases when people have been known to get pregnant after adopting, it's not something a couple necessarily wants to hear as a gesture of "hope". Adoption is exciting in itself because a couple chooses whole-heartedly to adopt. It's not a fertility treatment plan.
4) Adoption comes with a lot of grief. The mother who is deciding to choose a family to raise her child is grieving the loss of her child. A child, even a newborn, is potentially in the care of 3 different families (birth mother, foster home, adoptive parents) before he/she is even a month old. The child is grieving the loss of security in those crucial first days (or months or years) of life and has to adjust to many changes beyond what is typical. All this being said, respect a family's wishes to spend a lot of private time together at first to help the child transition to (yet another) home in his/her short life and build trust in his/her new home.
5)Please remember that a child who is adopted may have many questions left unanswered about his/her birth parents throughout life. The story about the birth parents belongs to the child and is very private as it may, in some cases, be the only connection and tie to his/her biological family history. Therefore, if a family chooses not to share about a birthmother's story, and chooses to let the child decide for him/herself whether to share that information or keep it confidential forever, is his/her right. Don't be offended if some or most information is not divulged... it's just precious and private and belongs to someone else.
6)NEVER ever speak negatively or even pitifully about a birth parent in front of their child... or even to others (words get around). Unless you are speaking about your own story, it is not polite or helpful to a child to hear harsh words about his/her parents. They are still, after all, his/her biological parents. (Ex. Don't say, "Oh he is so cute! How could anyone give him up?!" because that's very insensitive to the mother and child).
7) Be careful when using the term "adoption" for anything other than a child (especially in front of a child who was adopted). Reason; a child should never question that his/her adoption is real and permanent. Unlike adopting a pet or a highway, adopting a child is a lifelong commitment and cannot be reversed. It is an intentional choice. In class they used the example that a child may hear the term "adopted a puppy" and see that puppy be given away because it was "bad" and associate it with him/herself because he/she is "adopted". That was an eye opener for me.
8) Don't use the word "adoption" like it's a bad word and don't glorify it as a title or label either. Adoption is a part of a person's beginning but it does not define a person. Just like we don't typically introduce our children as, "... Erica, my vaginally-delivered-by-me daughter," don't introduce a person as someone's "adopted daughter". It's just not necessary or telling of anything. Families are typically comfortable with others knowing about their choice for adoption but they also don't typically think of it as being part of their family intros.
9)this goes with #4... If a mother chooses to feed her child (this doesn't just apply to adoptions) she should feed her child. Feeding is a vital bonding experience to aid in the relationship between mother and child. Even if the child is bottle fed, do NOT offer to feed the infant or bath the infant, etc. No one but mom and dad should feed an infant in the early stages of bonding. It is all the more necessary for a mother to do these things with an infant who was born to another mother because there is a missing biology to connect the two and they need all the opportunities they can get to develop that bond. So if you are helping out, change little baby, talk to little baby but when baby is hungry... wake mommy up and say, "here's little baby. Little baby's hungry" and let them bond.
10) Don't stare at interacial/blended families or families with children with disabilities. It's not polite and would it really change your life if you never found out if "that child is adopted or not" or what the family's story is? Chances are if you're asking, you might already have a good guess and unless you have a personal connection, it's fine to just smile genuinely as you would with any family and keep walking.
Gosh, I feel like I'm lecturing and i haven't even experienced most of these yet! Anyway, I'm getting tired and will be heading to bed now.
Write me if you have any questions or comments about Do's and Don'ts! I'd love to learn what you think or what should be added to the list. Of course also, it should be noted, I was not referencing our class curriculum so I left out a lot of helpful info, I'm sure. But those are what came to me on a whim.
Peace to you all, this chilly January night.
-Erica
Friday, November 18, 2011
Adoption 101
I'm an aunt!!! I now carry the wonderful and beautiful title of Aunt Erica! Bradley and I became uncle and aunt on November 3rd of this year to a beautiful baby boy. He, his mother and father are doing well and as all you parents know, adjusting to the changes of going from 2 to 2plus1. Bradley and I will get to meet him next week and I have every intention of showering him with affection and admiration for as long as his mom & dad will let me. Hearing the news of my sister-in-law's labor had me so anxious for the 24hrs until he was born. I was so excited and nervous and concerned and eager that I could not sleep well and had to try very hard to focus on work. And to finally have seen a photo of him, I just teared up and melted. There he was. Our tiny little nephew. I cannot wait to hold him and look at his miniature fingernails and toes and ears and nose. I can't wait to hear his little coos and burps and farts. I can't wait to see him looking around and falling asleep. Little guy. It's always been wonderful and sweet to see friends' babies and children but it's a much deeper rooted love and sense of aww when it's your brother/sister (in-law)'s child. What joy he brings to our family!
Adoption stuff:
So we've attended two of the required classes for our home study. In our class there are 5 couples including Bradley and me who are first time adoptive parents. One couple already has a child and the rest of us are going to be first time parents. All but one couple are adopting domestically at this point but that sort of thing can change. Our first class felt a bit like the first day of a college course. We had an icebreaker and followed a power point for a good portion of the time. We were given a bound packet of papers to keep and follow along. It's got articles and outlines and info galore! Though I've learned a lot about the history of adoption and stages of grief and of emotions that all parties share, I have to say one of my favorite parts has been getting to meet a family who has adopted, in each class. So far we met a couple who adopted an infant out of state and had a most wonderful experience and another couple who adopted (twice now) from Korea. The domestic adoption was the first introduced. They were present for the birth of their child, allowed to stay in the hospital with their child on the second night, and able to take the child home with them 2 days later when the child was released from the hospital. They have a strong relationship with the mother and family and have grown close to them, making it a wonderful opportunity for their child to some day know his/her birth parents. Of course, most adoptions do not happen that way and parents are not always able to bring home their child so quickly, but it was a beautiful account of a precious moment in all their lives. We also get to meet the children who join the families which is fun. And I love to see the little babies! The international adoption brought to light what a journey (literally and figuratively) it can be to simply meet and bring home your child. While they had a good experience, there are things they are learning about cross cultural adoptions that were, I think, helpful to hear.
We've also met cool couples in our class and I'm very excited for them as well! Some are already in the waiting pool and some are, like us, just about to turn everything in and join the club. Bradley and I have turned everything in, minus one thing Bradley has left to do, and then we will have our second interview, have our homevisit(s)and get approved for the waiting list. Our last big piece of the puzzle while waiting to meet mothers will be to create a scrapbook on Shutterfly to introduce ourselves to the mothers/fathers looking to find good homes for their child(ren). I think I'll start on the scrapbook tonight. I'm so very excited to put it together and yet, there is a little pressure as we have to represent ourselves briefly in only the few pages of this book. That first impression is what sparks or quenches a mother's interest in us and will help her decide if we are the right parents for her child. One couple showed us their book (it was so well put together!) and said the hardest part was finding photos to represent all they do in their lives. Usually people don't have photos of many of the things they like to do, like running or cooking, knitting, painting, volunteering. I didn't really think about it until they mentioned it so we'll be taking a lot of pictures of us doing regular things so we can "demonstrate" our lives in a nutshell. Exciting! YAY! If you have the perfect candid (or I guess posed) shot of us, feel free to e-mail it to me and it may just make it into the book! It doesn't have to be just of Bradley and/or me. We want pictures that represent our lives, including friends and family. Join us in our preparations for this little one's mother and/or father to consider us a good home!
And now I think I will start on that album. Fun fun fun! Night night and have a wonderful, lovely, love-filled Thanksgiving!
Adoption stuff:
So we've attended two of the required classes for our home study. In our class there are 5 couples including Bradley and me who are first time adoptive parents. One couple already has a child and the rest of us are going to be first time parents. All but one couple are adopting domestically at this point but that sort of thing can change. Our first class felt a bit like the first day of a college course. We had an icebreaker and followed a power point for a good portion of the time. We were given a bound packet of papers to keep and follow along. It's got articles and outlines and info galore! Though I've learned a lot about the history of adoption and stages of grief and of emotions that all parties share, I have to say one of my favorite parts has been getting to meet a family who has adopted, in each class. So far we met a couple who adopted an infant out of state and had a most wonderful experience and another couple who adopted (twice now) from Korea. The domestic adoption was the first introduced. They were present for the birth of their child, allowed to stay in the hospital with their child on the second night, and able to take the child home with them 2 days later when the child was released from the hospital. They have a strong relationship with the mother and family and have grown close to them, making it a wonderful opportunity for their child to some day know his/her birth parents. Of course, most adoptions do not happen that way and parents are not always able to bring home their child so quickly, but it was a beautiful account of a precious moment in all their lives. We also get to meet the children who join the families which is fun. And I love to see the little babies! The international adoption brought to light what a journey (literally and figuratively) it can be to simply meet and bring home your child. While they had a good experience, there are things they are learning about cross cultural adoptions that were, I think, helpful to hear.
We've also met cool couples in our class and I'm very excited for them as well! Some are already in the waiting pool and some are, like us, just about to turn everything in and join the club. Bradley and I have turned everything in, minus one thing Bradley has left to do, and then we will have our second interview, have our homevisit(s)and get approved for the waiting list. Our last big piece of the puzzle while waiting to meet mothers will be to create a scrapbook on Shutterfly to introduce ourselves to the mothers/fathers looking to find good homes for their child(ren). I think I'll start on the scrapbook tonight. I'm so very excited to put it together and yet, there is a little pressure as we have to represent ourselves briefly in only the few pages of this book. That first impression is what sparks or quenches a mother's interest in us and will help her decide if we are the right parents for her child. One couple showed us their book (it was so well put together!) and said the hardest part was finding photos to represent all they do in their lives. Usually people don't have photos of many of the things they like to do, like running or cooking, knitting, painting, volunteering. I didn't really think about it until they mentioned it so we'll be taking a lot of pictures of us doing regular things so we can "demonstrate" our lives in a nutshell. Exciting! YAY! If you have the perfect candid (or I guess posed) shot of us, feel free to e-mail it to me and it may just make it into the book! It doesn't have to be just of Bradley and/or me. We want pictures that represent our lives, including friends and family. Join us in our preparations for this little one's mother and/or father to consider us a good home!
And now I think I will start on that album. Fun fun fun! Night night and have a wonderful, lovely, love-filled Thanksgiving!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Autobiography
Today I printed off my autobiography draft!!! My life condensed into 15 pages. The required content touched on my upbringing, my parents' marriage, our courtship and marriage, how we came to decide on adoption, disciplinary thoughts, etc. So many milestones are left out but it's intended to give the agency a glimpse into our lives so that our second interview does not have to answer all those questions in person. The autobiography has been the most difficult and time consuming part of the process and once Bradley finishes his, we will submit the full packet of paperwork we've been working on for months. Our first required class begins on November 7th. We'll be meeting with other adopting parents and have guest speakers including families who have already adopted through the agency. There are about 5 of these classes, each 3 hours in length spread out over approximately one month's time.
My sister highly recommends that Bradley and I attend a parenting class taught by Ken West who she has taken classes from in her master's program. I think we will look into that and if anyone else has some suggestions for helpful classes for first time parents, please feel free to comment on here and throw us some suggestions.
Everyone have a safe and happy Halloween tomorrow!
-Erica
My sister highly recommends that Bradley and I attend a parenting class taught by Ken West who she has taken classes from in her master's program. I think we will look into that and if anyone else has some suggestions for helpful classes for first time parents, please feel free to comment on here and throw us some suggestions.
Everyone have a safe and happy Halloween tomorrow!
-Erica
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Just for the chance to be considered...
Of course going into this, we knew there would be a lot of paperwork. Gathering and signing documents. Writing our autobiographies. Submitting background checks and re-writing the same information about yourself on what feels like one hundred different forms. There is a lot of work to be done still. Even just today I spent about 4-5 solid hours just filling out forms, locating proofs of various insurance, sifting through bank statements and averaging our net income vs our net expenses vs our net worth! When I thought I must have gotten every last bit of information I could possibly be asked for, something else came up that I had to find amid all our purged or not yet filed piles of papers. Occasionally I'd take a form to Bradley to review and sign and sneak in a hug to boost me for the next hour. I have to say, as much time as it's taken to just do a portion of one of the first steps in the process, this is some of what I've gotten out of it:
1) I was very productive today. I managed to make breakfast and serve it to B in bed for a nice anniversary treat, got laundry done, did dishes and had a little singing time, cleaned up the kitchen, took care of the cats and jumped on-line here and there. All this was done before I ever started the paperwork because I wanted to have no distractions tugging on my mind. So way to get moving and on it, Me!
2) It occurred to me about 3 hours into the paperwork that as much as I sighed and huffed each time I marched down the stairs only to realize I needed to march right back up for something else, I was collecting this for the chance to be considered by a mother out there to raise her child. Each of these redundant forms is going to help the agency and a mother feel confident that Bradley and I meet the most basic qualifications to be parents. The paperwork alone won't give a clue about if we will be "good" parents but it will help the agency to know that we have no major holdbacks and that like anybody wanting to adopt, we too deserve a chance to be considered, so bring on the paperwork if this is what it takes!
3) If you've read my first or second blog you may remember that I have always been very fascinated with pregnancy and all the things that a woman goes through as she cradles a baby in her womb. Knowing I am not likely to have that, I can re-direct my energy to working towards this child by way of doing... all the paperwork it entails. It may not be as fun in some peoples' eyes, but I'm going to try to convince you otherwise! Each stroke of my pen and each clickity clackity on the keyboard is my time spent preparing for this child outside of my body rather than my preparing a child in me. And once the forms are all signed and dated, the autobiographies completed and the scrapbook of our lives closed, I will spend my time praying for the mother who will host our child and that she will be healthy. I will pray for her as she comes to terms with her decision to give her child up for adoption and as she seeks out the right home for her child. And I will pray for the child who could even already be born at this time. IN fact, (brace yourself) the child to join us some day could be delivered as I type this very sentence and the mother could be thinking about the future parents of her child! Wow! How's that for deep?! While the connection to our future child is unknown still, this paperwork, crazy and a bit of a stretch as it seems, is our proverbial pregnancy...
So I send this out into the great wide world; good night sweet mother and child or future child. May your time together be blessed with safety and health and know that we will love you/your child with all that we have in us.
1) I was very productive today. I managed to make breakfast and serve it to B in bed for a nice anniversary treat, got laundry done, did dishes and had a little singing time, cleaned up the kitchen, took care of the cats and jumped on-line here and there. All this was done before I ever started the paperwork because I wanted to have no distractions tugging on my mind. So way to get moving and on it, Me!
2) It occurred to me about 3 hours into the paperwork that as much as I sighed and huffed each time I marched down the stairs only to realize I needed to march right back up for something else, I was collecting this for the chance to be considered by a mother out there to raise her child. Each of these redundant forms is going to help the agency and a mother feel confident that Bradley and I meet the most basic qualifications to be parents. The paperwork alone won't give a clue about if we will be "good" parents but it will help the agency to know that we have no major holdbacks and that like anybody wanting to adopt, we too deserve a chance to be considered, so bring on the paperwork if this is what it takes!
3) If you've read my first or second blog you may remember that I have always been very fascinated with pregnancy and all the things that a woman goes through as she cradles a baby in her womb. Knowing I am not likely to have that, I can re-direct my energy to working towards this child by way of doing... all the paperwork it entails. It may not be as fun in some peoples' eyes, but I'm going to try to convince you otherwise! Each stroke of my pen and each clickity clackity on the keyboard is my time spent preparing for this child outside of my body rather than my preparing a child in me. And once the forms are all signed and dated, the autobiographies completed and the scrapbook of our lives closed, I will spend my time praying for the mother who will host our child and that she will be healthy. I will pray for her as she comes to terms with her decision to give her child up for adoption and as she seeks out the right home for her child. And I will pray for the child who could even already be born at this time. IN fact, (brace yourself) the child to join us some day could be delivered as I type this very sentence and the mother could be thinking about the future parents of her child! Wow! How's that for deep?! While the connection to our future child is unknown still, this paperwork, crazy and a bit of a stretch as it seems, is our proverbial pregnancy...
So I send this out into the great wide world; good night sweet mother and child or future child. May your time together be blessed with safety and health and know that we will love you/your child with all that we have in us.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Nursing an adopted baby...
Did you know that a woman can breast feed a child she did not give birth to. Ever heard of a wet nurse? For most of my life I thought it was peculiar that there was such a thing as a wet nurse. I assumed that the way it worked was that a royal woman (too busy or uncomfortable with the idea) or one who could not produce milk would seek out a woman who was with child or currently nursing and ask her to nurse in the mother's place. I presumed this would go on for as long as requested and then the nursing mother would finally be able to return to her own child whom she had been neglecting all the while. I never questioned my assumptions and it wasn't until a few years ago that I spoke with a friend who has adopted an infant and shared her story with me. When she mentioned she had nursed the child I was confused. It turns out that milk production is not directly related to pregnancy, although pregnancy of course stimulates milk production. There are different ways to stimulate milk production and you can research that on your own or talk to me privately.
But isn't that neat?!
Being a huge advocate for breast feeding babies, I was thrilled to learn this and it took no time before I was reading up on it and had decided that I would want to try that if ever I adopted an infant. Though some find it controversial, I have trouble understanding why. Nursing a child is perfectly natural and there is so much history and research to back the benefits of it (oral motor strengthening, bonding between mother and child, immune system boosts, nourishment at it's purest level, saving money and time, and more). A woman's body is beautifully designed to carry and nurture a child both during and after pregnancy and when a woman and child can nurse effectively, I encourage it.
Thank you, dear friend (I hope you know who you are)for sharing your story with me so that I may some day try to nourish my child in this precious way.
But isn't that neat?!
Being a huge advocate for breast feeding babies, I was thrilled to learn this and it took no time before I was reading up on it and had decided that I would want to try that if ever I adopted an infant. Though some find it controversial, I have trouble understanding why. Nursing a child is perfectly natural and there is so much history and research to back the benefits of it (oral motor strengthening, bonding between mother and child, immune system boosts, nourishment at it's purest level, saving money and time, and more). A woman's body is beautifully designed to carry and nurture a child both during and after pregnancy and when a woman and child can nurse effectively, I encourage it.
Thank you, dear friend (I hope you know who you are)for sharing your story with me so that I may some day try to nourish my child in this precious way.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)