Compadres! Family! Friends and Strangers! Greetings!
I read back through some previous blogs and discovered I could never make it as a full-time employee and good blogger simultaneously. It has been exactly one year since I posted my last entry. Oddly enough, I could almost use the same entry to describe where and how we are 370 days later. In fact, Bradley's work week has been so tough, he is currently asleep upstairs and has been since 5pm tonight. His schedule for the next two-few weeks include work shifts from 1am-4pm mixed in with regular 8am-7pm days, too. It's taking a toll on his body which has been battling a cold for about a week but yet, he pushes through and reminds me that all this over time and odd hours is better worked now than when we have a child.
So, today, September 18 2013 8:23PM. I sit in our "new" house living room. Clicking away on the laptop. The house is quiet. The house is so strangely quiet. I think the most common phrase I've heard from people giving their advice on what it will be like to be a parent is, "Enjoy the peace and quiet now. Get all the good sleep you can. Because when you have a child it will be 18 long years before you have that again!" My response (if only in my head): wahh wahhn "Thanks Debbie Downer". No, I understand that "everything changes" when you have a baby. Or maybe I don't understand but I think I have been told enough to believe it and defend it to the end, whether I understand it yet or not.
I received word from our social worker recently that we have finally (!!!!!!) moved into the long awaited and sought-after spotlight. We are now #2 on the list! This means, when an expectant mother contacts the agency and says she is ready to review to-be parent profiles, she will actually see ours! The top three waiting families are shown and the mother has the opportunity to choose one of those or perhaps decide to be shown other profiles. But typically, it's one of the top three families that are entrusted next with the gift of being parents. While this is all very exciting, currently there are no expectant mothers waiting to choose families. So, as we have done for the last (almost 6 years of marriage) we wait with measured portions of hope and anticipation for the news that we may become parents.
I'd like to direct you to read one of my previous blog posts called "Adoption Etiquette" which I think had some good points. Perhaps you read it before and it would just be a refresher. I also want to invite you to consider that while I love to talk about the adoption process (especially to those who are interested in pursuing adoption themselves or those who are very unfamiliar with it) there will be even less mention about our personal position in the adoption process than before (if you can believe that's possible).
Let me 'splain a little bit more. At this point, a mother may approach the agency and be receiving counseling through them or perhaps has already given birth to her child. She will then decide if adoption is her choice and follow those steps to understand the process, make arrangements to follow through, and begin the emotional journey of her decision (whichever way she chooses to go). If she decides to place her child with another family,I think this may be the point where she is given the chance to look through the top 3 waiting family profile photo albums. If there is family or 2 who she would like to learn more about, the waiting family will be contacted and given a very very brief(1-2 sentence)summary that a possible match is waiting. If the family decides they are ready to have their profile shown, a limited and confidential (non-identifying) profile may be shared about the expectant mother and father (if available)with a waiting family. If the waiting family decides that they would like to accept this match, then a meeting is arranged to introduce the mother (and in some cases the father) and the waiting family in person. By this point, it is more than likely, though unofficially, already an agreed match. It would be decided then, between both families, how to proceed and how communication will continue, etc. However, it is very important to know, that a mother has a right to decide to keep her child(ren)up to 10 days after birth, even if the child goes home immediately with the waiting family. She may choose not to place her child(ren) and to instead raise them. It is her right. It is a difficult thing for many waiting families who begin the bonding process after birth and in their very own homes with this child who is soothed by, fed, changed, loved by their his/her new parents. This is why, in our case, we have not and will not be sharing information about potential matches until the moment has come when we can respectfully and without a doubt say, our child is home with us and we are proud to introduce _____ to our friends and family. We have chosen (accepted)the option of an at-risk placement, which means the child is placed directly in your care but with the risk of being returned to his/her first mother before 10 days is up. So, while many of you have emphasized how excited you were to read something you thought was a hint to a pending adoption, I hate to burst your bubbles, but it is or was not. Only the very clear, no question statement will be made about the match.
We have, for example, had some opportunities presented to us but for one reason or another they were not matches. Had we shared the potential excitement each time, it would be difficult (emotionally and time-wise) to explain to everyone when it didn't work out. It is also a very very private matter and explaining why a match didn't work out is not something that we care to share either. I'd be happy to share person-to-person why we don't want to share it (so that you understand what some people may go through when adopting) but will not share the specifics of why a specific opportunity was not a match for us. Does that make sense? So, just know that you can ask, but I may simply let you know that it's private. As I wrote in the "Adoption Etiquette" piece, please don't take it personally as a rejection, it's just simply ours to hold in confidence.
SOOOOOOO, that being said, if I get any better at writing more on this blog, you may hear from me soon. Otherwise, the next time I post on "Baby Steps" it may be with a photo of our little one(s). By-the-way, I keep throwing out the "child(ren)" and "one(s)" plural forms because we have on our applications that we are accepting of multiples. So any prayers, positive energies, thoughts sent our way for multiples are as equally appreciated as those for any other reason.
Cheers to you all in each of your homes, apartments, offices, cars, favorite restaurants/bars, or wherever you may be when you read this. May you each be blessed with the opportunity to wait long and hard for something that is so worth while! I can tell you, building up years and years of love and anticipation for this child(ren) who we've never met or might not even be conceived yet, has me just evermore grateful for all the people who are making this possible (friends' and family support, the adoption agency, other waiting families, financial supporters, and most importantly the mother who will choose us to raise her child).
Buenas Noches!
-Erica 9:16PM
