Sunday, September 25, 2011
Donations welcome
I've now set up a PayPal account to accept donations. All money will go directly to application, agency, home study and legal fees only. (This does not include hospital fees for the birth mother and typical costs for having a child, as we had planned for such expenses if we were to have children "biologically"). Thank you for your support!
I've been trying to set up a paypal account for donations for the past two hours and have only managed to somehow post it to a blog instead of to the home page. I'm not even certain it can be accessed by people or how to get it to accept credit card or "other amount" donations. However, I'm exhausted and not up to putting more time into it right now. If anyone else knows how to customize the paypal widget, please feel free to contact me for your help!
Tootles and have a nice evening everyone!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Put on your nose plug... this blog is getting deep!
So, have you ever wondered what goes into adopting a child through an agency? It's quite a self-exploration as you delve into your parents' history, your childhood memories and upbringing, your personal goals and beliefs regarding work and philosophies, views on discipline and child rearing, preferences for age, ethnicity, gender not to mention your reason for adopting. While initially all these "questions" seemed like no brainers to answer, it has surprised me how difficult it was to write my responses. Not only is it something that we don't often ponder for long periods of time... weeks and months even... but these are questions that evoke untapped and unexplored feelings. So how do I feel about having an older child versus an infant? Which country would I like to adopt from? What specifically am I against regarding punitive discipline and why? These are no longer private conversations only between my husband and me, but now we must explain and justify each of our beliefs to an agency who will determine, in part, who may be placed in our care; which child will be considered to become our child? And what if what I say is misunderstood? Will the slip of my finger on the keyboard interrupt the delicate plan of our family future?
This strange and rhetorical questions comes to mind repeatedly; "Isn't it strange to have a say so in choosing our child?" I mean when a woman finds she is pregnant she must take care of her body and plan for the arrival of her child when it leaves her womb. When a woman wants to adopt a child she must answer questions to help identify who her child will be...specifically. I may be rambling and perhaps not making much sense but I suppose that is the point of blogging. I just feel strange in a way to have a choice in the matter, to choose or not choose a particular group of children based on the check box options on our application. Whether the outcome is intentional, checking a particular age group or domestic vs. international child could automatically eliminate children from crossing our paths at all. I have to admit, it's a bit uncomfortable to be required to make such choices. I almost felt guilty at times, as though I were being asked to describe our "ideal" child...when shouldn't we just be happy with any child? I have had plenty of day dreams and sleeping dreams about a baby being left on our doorstep for us to care for. A Benjamin Button story of sorts. How simple that would be, right? (ha!) No need for checking for typos or unclear explanations that could be the reason for a rejection letter or being passed over by a birth parent. Just, "here! now this child is yours and you are to raise it lovingly." And we live happily ever after! Right? Yet, that isn't to say that being such an active part of the finding and welcoming of our child is undesirable, because it has been an exciting and welcomed experience thus far. I feel blessed to be considered as a potential mother for her child and it would not be so if we didn't make choices to seek out adoption in the first place. I do understand that there are many many children in need and want of a great home who we could love and raise with whole-hearted support but due to a more obvious obstacle (aka "dinero") we are only permitted the opportunity to welcome one for now, and what a wonderful "one" he or she will be.
I suppose it's hard to understand what I mean by all this. It's neither a complaint nor a praise, but just something that has crossed my mind. Whether you've considered adoption or not, asking yourself some of those questions may open a window within you that you may not have ever opened otherwise. You may learn something new about yourself, as I am doing daily.
Tonight I wish you introspect as you click out of this blog. May getting to know your inner philosophies be an enlightening experience.
This strange and rhetorical questions comes to mind repeatedly; "Isn't it strange to have a say so in choosing our child?" I mean when a woman finds she is pregnant she must take care of her body and plan for the arrival of her child when it leaves her womb. When a woman wants to adopt a child she must answer questions to help identify who her child will be...specifically. I may be rambling and perhaps not making much sense but I suppose that is the point of blogging. I just feel strange in a way to have a choice in the matter, to choose or not choose a particular group of children based on the check box options on our application. Whether the outcome is intentional, checking a particular age group or domestic vs. international child could automatically eliminate children from crossing our paths at all. I have to admit, it's a bit uncomfortable to be required to make such choices. I almost felt guilty at times, as though I were being asked to describe our "ideal" child...when shouldn't we just be happy with any child? I have had plenty of day dreams and sleeping dreams about a baby being left on our doorstep for us to care for. A Benjamin Button story of sorts. How simple that would be, right? (ha!) No need for checking for typos or unclear explanations that could be the reason for a rejection letter or being passed over by a birth parent. Just, "here! now this child is yours and you are to raise it lovingly." And we live happily ever after! Right? Yet, that isn't to say that being such an active part of the finding and welcoming of our child is undesirable, because it has been an exciting and welcomed experience thus far. I feel blessed to be considered as a potential mother for her child and it would not be so if we didn't make choices to seek out adoption in the first place. I do understand that there are many many children in need and want of a great home who we could love and raise with whole-hearted support but due to a more obvious obstacle (aka "dinero") we are only permitted the opportunity to welcome one for now, and what a wonderful "one" he or she will be.
I suppose it's hard to understand what I mean by all this. It's neither a complaint nor a praise, but just something that has crossed my mind. Whether you've considered adoption or not, asking yourself some of those questions may open a window within you that you may not have ever opened otherwise. You may learn something new about yourself, as I am doing daily.
Tonight I wish you introspect as you click out of this blog. May getting to know your inner philosophies be an enlightening experience.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Heartbreaks and Fist Pumps!
Before we ever married, we had both talked about the idea of possibly adopting a child some day. So here we are, nearly four years later, with the choices before us to help us become parents; medical surgery (not guaranteed and possibly expensive), IVF (not guaranteed and very expensive), donor (not so much) and adoption.
As far back as I can remember, I've been excited to be pregnant some day. As a little girl I would put a ball under my shirt or stick out my belly and pretend I was going to be a mommy. As a teenager I loved holding little babies and thinking that some day I might hold my own child like that. In college, the girls on my hall could likely set their watches by my routine of watching TLC's "A Baby Story". Fascinated by the idea that some day I would have a teeny tiny little person growing inside me, I watched intently thinking, "When I'm pregnant, I will be so distracted with trying to feel every flutter of my baby and every symptom of pregnancy that I will certainly be of no use to anyone but the child I would be hosting."
For the first year and a half of our marriage I waited, prayed and tried to will the first symptom of pregnancy into reality. Month after month I received only devastating reminders that, once again, I was not pregnant. At times I would tell myself it was no big deal. Other times, it was as though I had lost all hope. Shaking I would wait for test results just knowing I haaaadddd to be pregnant "this time". That would be followed with tears and an empty pit in my stomach for a day or two or more. Eventually, we began talking about the what ifs. What if we're doing something wrong? Maybe our diet or stress from work were to blame. Maybe we were too focused on trying. It felt like everyone I met asked/asks when we are going to have children and when we would say we were trying, they'd all say... "Oh just don't think about it. Stop expecting to get pregnant and you'll get pregnant." Easy for everyone with child to say. I knew that people were just trying to be supportive and optimistic, but it turns out I felt that I was to blame because I couldn't "just stop thinking about it". "Stop Stressing, Erica!!" I'd tell myself. "Just don't worry about it!" Sometimes I believed I had stopped worrying about it. That is, until the next month rolled around and I realized I was heartbroken, yet again. We finally began to see doctors. Painfully, we rejected the first professional opinion and sought another doctor. We took time off work and drove to Charlottesville to speak with a surgeon (who we thought was also a fertility specialist) and after navigating the small country that the hospital is, we landed ourselves in the patient room covered with Bob the Builder decals and a miniature chair that was clearly for either an elf or a 4 year old. Of course I sat in the mini lawn chair as we waited for Dr. Dread spend all of 5 minutes with us and then to tell us we really should just skip other options (that we thought we were there for) and go straight for IVF for the limited time offer of $10,000 and No Guarantee!!! SWEEET!!!! (I am exaggerating a bit...ehem). However, the news was not hopeful and we left the office for a long hour and 20 minute drive home to start back at square one. Talk of what to do next ceased for a long time after that.
Slowly (we're talking another year or so) I began accepting the fact that we would not be having children without outside intervention or help. It was not until then that we began planning, once again, for a family. I began researching different organizations, asking questions and listening intently to the stories of others who I knew had adopted a child. It was June 27th of this year that we attended an informational meeting at an agency I had researched and heard great reviews about. We left that night with an application in our hands and having had two hours of adoption 101 flashed before us via power point. But we knew. After about 10 minutes of quiet pondering, Bradley turned to me in the car as we drove home and said, "I think we should get started on the application". I turned and smiled and said something like, "Yah? Good. I think so too." My internal dialogue, however, was shouting, "Hallelujah! Yes yes yes!" and I was pumping my fist and elbow discretely next to the passenger side arm rest, unbeknownst to Bradley. Of course, the following night I began filling that application out and organizing our paperwork. The application itself costs money to submit and requests a lot of detailed information that had to be gathered. After a dermatology appointment (what we now refer to as the worst practical joke we've experienced together... but that's another blog) we headed to simply hand in our application before heading to lunch. The lady who received our application happened to be just the right person and she asked us if we could wait a few moments while she reviewed it. She returned shortly after and invited us to stay a bit longer for a first interview. There was only one slot available and the night before was an orientation so she expected more applications right away. However, she was interested in talking with us. We agreed and after a first interview, we were given another set of papers. These were the biggies and they came with big instructions.
So here we are at the next stage of the adoption process. Filling out forms, writing our autobiographies, gathering documentations of finances, previous addresses, photos for a scrapbook, references, etc. and all the while imagining that once we turn in our paperwork... when we hand it all over and complete the rest of our home study... we will be that much closer to being parents. It could be 6 months from then or 3 years. God alone knows the specifics. But we are on our way to becoming parents and one fine day, the phone will ring and we'll get the call saying, "There is a lady who wants to meet you," and we will introduce ourselves to the birthmother of our child. I smile just to type the words, "our child". Sigh...
Okay... okay... that's enough sap for one night. I have so much more to share but I must sleep.
Thanks for "stopping by".
As far back as I can remember, I've been excited to be pregnant some day. As a little girl I would put a ball under my shirt or stick out my belly and pretend I was going to be a mommy. As a teenager I loved holding little babies and thinking that some day I might hold my own child like that. In college, the girls on my hall could likely set their watches by my routine of watching TLC's "A Baby Story". Fascinated by the idea that some day I would have a teeny tiny little person growing inside me, I watched intently thinking, "When I'm pregnant, I will be so distracted with trying to feel every flutter of my baby and every symptom of pregnancy that I will certainly be of no use to anyone but the child I would be hosting."
For the first year and a half of our marriage I waited, prayed and tried to will the first symptom of pregnancy into reality. Month after month I received only devastating reminders that, once again, I was not pregnant. At times I would tell myself it was no big deal. Other times, it was as though I had lost all hope. Shaking I would wait for test results just knowing I haaaadddd to be pregnant "this time". That would be followed with tears and an empty pit in my stomach for a day or two or more. Eventually, we began talking about the what ifs. What if we're doing something wrong? Maybe our diet or stress from work were to blame. Maybe we were too focused on trying. It felt like everyone I met asked/asks when we are going to have children and when we would say we were trying, they'd all say... "Oh just don't think about it. Stop expecting to get pregnant and you'll get pregnant." Easy for everyone with child to say. I knew that people were just trying to be supportive and optimistic, but it turns out I felt that I was to blame because I couldn't "just stop thinking about it". "Stop Stressing, Erica!!" I'd tell myself. "Just don't worry about it!" Sometimes I believed I had stopped worrying about it. That is, until the next month rolled around and I realized I was heartbroken, yet again. We finally began to see doctors. Painfully, we rejected the first professional opinion and sought another doctor. We took time off work and drove to Charlottesville to speak with a surgeon (who we thought was also a fertility specialist) and after navigating the small country that the hospital is, we landed ourselves in the patient room covered with Bob the Builder decals and a miniature chair that was clearly for either an elf or a 4 year old. Of course I sat in the mini lawn chair as we waited for Dr. Dread spend all of 5 minutes with us and then to tell us we really should just skip other options (that we thought we were there for) and go straight for IVF for the limited time offer of $10,000 and No Guarantee!!! SWEEET!!!! (I am exaggerating a bit...ehem). However, the news was not hopeful and we left the office for a long hour and 20 minute drive home to start back at square one. Talk of what to do next ceased for a long time after that.
Slowly (we're talking another year or so) I began accepting the fact that we would not be having children without outside intervention or help. It was not until then that we began planning, once again, for a family. I began researching different organizations, asking questions and listening intently to the stories of others who I knew had adopted a child. It was June 27th of this year that we attended an informational meeting at an agency I had researched and heard great reviews about. We left that night with an application in our hands and having had two hours of adoption 101 flashed before us via power point. But we knew. After about 10 minutes of quiet pondering, Bradley turned to me in the car as we drove home and said, "I think we should get started on the application". I turned and smiled and said something like, "Yah? Good. I think so too." My internal dialogue, however, was shouting, "Hallelujah! Yes yes yes!" and I was pumping my fist and elbow discretely next to the passenger side arm rest, unbeknownst to Bradley. Of course, the following night I began filling that application out and organizing our paperwork. The application itself costs money to submit and requests a lot of detailed information that had to be gathered. After a dermatology appointment (what we now refer to as the worst practical joke we've experienced together... but that's another blog) we headed to simply hand in our application before heading to lunch. The lady who received our application happened to be just the right person and she asked us if we could wait a few moments while she reviewed it. She returned shortly after and invited us to stay a bit longer for a first interview. There was only one slot available and the night before was an orientation so she expected more applications right away. However, she was interested in talking with us. We agreed and after a first interview, we were given another set of papers. These were the biggies and they came with big instructions.
So here we are at the next stage of the adoption process. Filling out forms, writing our autobiographies, gathering documentations of finances, previous addresses, photos for a scrapbook, references, etc. and all the while imagining that once we turn in our paperwork... when we hand it all over and complete the rest of our home study... we will be that much closer to being parents. It could be 6 months from then or 3 years. God alone knows the specifics. But we are on our way to becoming parents and one fine day, the phone will ring and we'll get the call saying, "There is a lady who wants to meet you," and we will introduce ourselves to the birthmother of our child. I smile just to type the words, "our child". Sigh...
Okay... okay... that's enough sap for one night. I have so much more to share but I must sleep.
Thanks for "stopping by".
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Baby Steps
Welcome to our journey to parenthood! Bradley and I want to thank you for stopping by our blog.
As you may know or are about to find out, we are on our way to becoming parents. Though it's been an emotional time over the last three years as we've struggled with infertility, we have found peace in the decision to adopt a child. Our hope for this blog is to invite our community of friends and family to participate in and/or follow the process as we navigate the road of growing our family. Adoption requires a lot of time, money, paperwork, legal appointments, preparation and patience before we even know when we will become parents... possibly before our child is even conceived. We welcome your support along the way, in any way, shape or form and hope you find this journey as exciting as we do.
As you may know or are about to find out, we are on our way to becoming parents. Though it's been an emotional time over the last three years as we've struggled with infertility, we have found peace in the decision to adopt a child. Our hope for this blog is to invite our community of friends and family to participate in and/or follow the process as we navigate the road of growing our family. Adoption requires a lot of time, money, paperwork, legal appointments, preparation and patience before we even know when we will become parents... possibly before our child is even conceived. We welcome your support along the way, in any way, shape or form and hope you find this journey as exciting as we do.
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