Put on your nose plug... this blog is getting deep!

So, have you ever wondered what goes into adopting a child through an agency?  It's quite a self-exploration as you delve into your parents' history, your childhood memories and upbringing, your personal goals and beliefs regarding work and philosophies, views on discipline and child rearing, preferences for age, ethnicity, gender not to mention your reason for adopting.  While initially all these "questions" seemed like no brainers to answer, it has surprised me how difficult it was to write my responses.  Not only is it something that we don't often ponder for long periods of time... weeks and months even... but these are questions that evoke untapped and unexplored feelings.  So how do I feel about having an older child versus an infant?  Which country would I like to adopt from?  What specifically am I against regarding punitive discipline and why?  These are no longer private conversations only between my husband and me, but now we must explain and justify each of our beliefs to an agency who will determine, in part, who may be placed in our care; which child will be considered to become our child? And what if what I say is misunderstood? Will the slip of my finger on the keyboard interrupt the delicate plan of our family future?

This strange and rhetorical questions comes to mind repeatedly; "Isn't it strange to have a say so in choosing our child?"  I mean when a woman finds she is pregnant she must take care of her body and plan for the arrival of her child when it leaves her womb.  When a woman wants to adopt a child she must answer questions to help identify who her child will be...specifically.  I may be rambling and perhaps not making much sense but I suppose that is the point of blogging.  I just feel strange in a way to have a choice in the matter, to choose or not choose a particular group of children based on the check box options on our application.  Whether the outcome is intentional, checking a particular age group or domestic vs. international child could automatically eliminate children from crossing our paths at all.  I have to admit, it's a bit uncomfortable to be required to make such choices. I almost felt guilty at times, as though I were being asked to describe our "ideal" child...when shouldn't we just be happy with any child?   I have had plenty of day dreams and sleeping dreams about a baby being left on our doorstep for us to care for.  A Benjamin Button story of sorts.  How simple that would be, right? (ha!) No need for checking for typos or unclear explanations that could be the reason for a rejection letter or being passed over by a birth parent. Just, "here! now this child is yours and you are to raise it lovingly."  And we live happily ever after! Right?  Yet, that isn't to say that being such an active part of the finding and welcoming of our child is undesirable, because it has been an exciting and welcomed experience thus far.  I feel blessed to be considered as a potential mother for her child and it would not be so if we didn't make choices to seek out adoption in the first place.  I do understand that there are many many children in need and want of a great home who we could love and raise with whole-hearted support but due to a more obvious obstacle (aka "dinero") we are only permitted the opportunity to welcome one for now, and what a wonderful "one" he or she will be. 

I suppose it's hard to understand what I mean by all this.  It's neither a complaint nor a praise, but just something that has crossed my mind. Whether you've considered adoption or not, asking yourself some of those questions may open a window within you that you may not have ever opened otherwise.  You may learn something new about yourself, as I am doing daily. 

Tonight I wish you introspect as you click out of this blog. May getting to know your inner philosophies be an enlightening experience.